Stephenville Announces Construction of Lake Flaccid

Stephenville, TX – Long known as the county without a lake, Erath County will soon have something to offer fishermen and boaters alike. City worker Miles Long shared details of the plan with the Brownwood Examiner Wednesday morning. “The City of Stephenville has issued bonds to build Lake Flaccid just north of the city.” The…

Talpa man to introduce rattlesnake wine?

The Brownwood Examiner received a message from James O’Reilly in Talpa, which is in Coleman County. Mr. O’Reilly states that his wife’s husband told him that in China, snake wine is commonly used to increase one’s libido and the stronger the snake, the stronger the wine. He asked if we could get in touch with…

Houston Astrodome to be Relocated to Brownwood

The Brownwood Economic Development Corp has accepted an offer from the Harris County Development Board to relocate the Houston Astrodome to Brownwood, replacing the Brownwood Coliseum in the process. News of the agreement broke late Wednesday evening after Houston residents had expressed their displeasure with the recent plans of spending $105 million on renovating the…

Abilene Couple Claims Dirty Drinking Water Made Them Infertile

An Abilene couple is claiming that the city’s dirty drinking water has made them both infertile. Gertrude Ross-Harper, 81 of Abilene claims that she and her fiance, Archie French, 76 of Potosi have been trying to conceive since the water was first reported dirty last summer. A somber Ms. Ross-Harper told the Examiner, “I have…

Abilene’s very own Jonestown; over 1,000 feared dead

About 1,000 fish at the stocked pond at Grover Nelson Park in Abilene have died due to the callus actions of the Grass Carp Temple (GCT), led by the now-deceased Jim Bob Johnson. Several innocent members of the Turtle Congress were also tragically killed in what could only be described as a catastrophic apocalyptic end…

Sonic and CVS to introduce co-branded health foods

You know the drill. If it’s healthy, it tastes bad, and if it’s bad for you, it tastes delicious. Well, two area stores are planning to change that. CVS Brownwood and Sonic of Brown County today announced initial plans to try and encourage healthier eating habits among Brown County citizens. According to Sonic General Manager…

King of Camelot

Apartment complexes are an interesting place, with each unit having its own dynamics, culture, and ethos. Camelot Apartments is no different. Smitty Smitherman, resident of Apartment 301A, has declared himself to be king, and asks all other residents to gently bow and refer to him as “Lord” Smitherman was last seen digging a ditch in…

Goldthwaite, the Reich choice?

Goldthwaite has long been known for goats, too few passing lanes, and being a speed trap on the way to Austin or Waco. However, recent information has been uncovered that might link the small hill country town to fascism.  No, Donald Trump isn’t coming to town, but he might after he reads this article. Historical…

Big Country’s loss is Abilene’s gain

As the Big Country loses 4 Walmart Express locations (Anson, Haskell, Winters, and Merkel), a new Walmart is being built in the Key City. Bringing Abilene’s total of Walmart locations to 3, many wonder if this is the first of many positive changes for the city coffers in 2016. A Walmart Express is scheduled to…

Abilene Literacy Rate Dips as Library Discusses Moving to the Mall

The Abilene Library Advisory Board has sent a recommendation to the Abilene City Council to consider moving the Abilene Public Library’s south branch to the Mall of Abilene. The move could benefit both the library and the mall as malls nationwide are finding themselves scrambling to find new tenants. Abilene resident Baxter Leopold suggested consolidating all…

Meth, a cultural heritage of Lake Brownwood?

In a stunning and unprecedented move, methamphetamine producers in and around the Shamrock Shores community, north Lake Brownwood, have petitioned the government to grant protected status to all methamphetimine production in Brown and Coleman counties. “We’ve been cooking the best dope out here since back when that judge tried to sell it to the Saint…