The board of directors of the Brownwood Examiner recently approved a measure to begin collecting signatures from area residents to create a new property taxing district in three central Texas counties.
The vote by the board of directors was unanimous by a 2-0 count. Signatures will begin being collected next week in Brown, Comanche, and Erath counties. Coleman county was briefly considered, but due to low property values, it was anticipated that the cost of annexing Coleman county would far outweigh the $7.89 the Examiner would receive annually.
To successfully call an election, signatures must be collected from 5% of registered voters in each county. Board members commented that they’re sure they’ll receive plenty of support. “We’ve got a lot of Facebook names we can sign for if we need more signatures in the 11th hour.” Proponents of the measure will begin collecting signatures next week from students at area elementary schools. “The young are the easiest to brainwash, you can offer them something as little as a nickel for their signature.” When asked about the young age of the students, representatives of the Examiner exclaimed, “no one is really going to check those signatures to see if they’re eligible to vote anyhow.”
If enough signatures are collected, the measure would find itself on the May 2018 ballot in all three counties. The ballot language will call for a property tax increase of $1.00 per $100 property valuation in all three counties, but the Examiner board of directors promises the actual amount will not really be that high. “We are looking at a rate of no more than 60 cents per $100, but the law requires us to list the amount at $1.00 on the ballot.”
The Brownwood Examiner is promising to continue to allow free access to anyone on the satirical site’s page should the measure pass. “We want to stress that regardless of whether or not this measure passes, you will continue to receive the same subpar product you have received from us for the past several years. It’s very important that everyone realizes that most of you will not benefit in any form or fashion should this measure pass.”
Note: The Brownwood Examiner is a satirical publication. If you believe anything in this article you are too gullible and probably should pay extra taxes.