Stephenville Announces Construction of Lake Flaccid

Stephenville, TX – Long known as the county without a lake, Erath County will soon have something to offer fishermen and boaters alike. City worker Miles Long shared details of the plan with the Brownwood Examiner Wednesday morning. “The City of Stephenville has issued bonds to build Lake Flaccid just north of the city.” The south shores of the lake will reside approximately five miles north of the town. “The city of Stephenville will rest just below the tip of the shaft of the lake,” Long said.

Lake Flaccid will offer recreational activities and will also serve as a water source for the county. Currently, most of the county receives its water from the Trinity Sands aquifer. The lake will be formed by damming the North Bosque River. Research of the water quality, performed by the Daniel Baker University Stephenville Campus, has shown that the water in the North Bosque River will better absorb dianabol and other androgenic steroids as compared with water from the Trinity Sands Aquifer, something that appeals to the majority of sports enthusiasts in the area.

Mr. Long explained that Lake Flaccid will be built on land donated by local farmer Hugh G Rection. “We needed to find somewhere on the North Bosque River, but we had a hard time locating the exact piece of land until a few months ago when we went out to visit with Mr. Rection.” The land was well suited for a lake, “Mr Rection’s land is in a low spot, a valley if you will.”

A water improvement district is expected to be formed in order to control planned and unplanned discharges from Lake Flaccid, with veteran hydrologist Bo “Willy” Peters of Granbury expected to stroke the desires of others in the area so a full exploratory study can be mounted.

Not everybody is pleased, however. Mitchell Hardeman, who owns waterfront property, claims his lake would be longer and wider in girth than Lake Flaccid, but the city refused to pay his offered price. “They stiffed me! I was asking for $650,000 per acre with an additional $500,000 coming in spurts over the next 5 years. I know my spot would have made a better lake, even if the water kind of smells like bleach.”

Edna Jefferson isn’t quite in favor of the lake either. Jefferson, who works as a county extension agent in nearby Hood county feels that the all male staff poses a problem in the 21st century. “Search and rescue operations, though rare, are very important.. and I know for a fact my ex husband could never find the man in the boat!”

Stephenville resident Anita Bohn is fearful of the possible impact of flooding being downstream of Lake Flaccid. “What if the lake actually gets up and comes over the spillway. All our belongings could get wet.” Ms. Bohn’s fears should be relieved by the construction of flood gates that will allow for controlled discharges during floods. Long explained, “No one wants to see an accident happen, we’ll keep the flood gates well lubricated so that they’re ready to go when the moment arises.” The dam will be a concrete structure, as an Earthen dam was not possible in this given location explained Long, “it has to be hard cement because of the prolific amount of peccaries in that part of Erath county.”

A pipe is planned to be constructed that will connect Lake Flaccid with Lake Proctor, pending approval from the Upper Leon River Water District. The pipe will allow for the transfer of water between the lakes, and is expected to be problem free for 50+ years. Once the pipeline reaches the age of 50, annual inspections will be required to make sure it is in optimal health.

The construction of the lake promises to be a long and hard process.  Dr. I. M. Hung, professor of Environmental Studies at Daniel Baker-Stephenville told the Examiner that studies over flooding and drought tolerance, as well as how the lake performs through various climacteric situations must still be studied. “The climax of the study will determine whether the lake will be able to keep the pipes wet in Stephenville during periods of prolonged periods of dryness (drought).”

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. Tom Bowden says:

    I am sure Stephenville residents will have a rousing good time skiing around the tip of the extension. Hopefully they will manscape above the lake.

    1. michelle helms says:

      It will be hard to get a crew to erect something this big. I jope they dont blow it.

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