Bulletin introduces new “All Survey Saturday”!

After hearing multiple complaints about the frequency of Google Survey popups that must be completed to read content, GreatHouse Media LLC, publishers of the Brownwood Bulletin have announced a change to this long-standing and annoying policy.

The Examiner has obtained Facebook metrics of the Bulletin, and the most commonly circulated articles involve people complaining about the non-stop obtrusive advertising.

“The more likes or comments we get on an article, the more people see it” stated Assistant editor-in-chief John York, in a chat log obtained by the Examiner. “Really, the complaining just drives people to our page! In fact, that’s why we are introducing “All Survey Saturday!” York went on to explain the concept. “Users will complete a survey to read the content they want, but underneath the grey-ed out area will be another survey.. and then another! We’re going to be rich!”

York plans to use intentionally misleading and tantalizing headlines (also known as clickbait) to achieve the highest profit margin possible. In the meantime, he said copying and pasting press releases, public meeting agendas, and emails from law enforcement will do. “People are nosy. We don’t even have to edit the damn things, just copy and paste.. copy and paste. Control C, Control V. We’re working on an automated system so we don’t get carpal tunnel.”

York finished his chat by stating “We’ve already cut back on physical printing to 3 days a week in a reduced color format, the next step is charging readers extra for vowels. It works for Pat and Vanna. We could provide meaningful content and long-form investigative journalism, but .. hey, another police blotter email!”

If the Bulletin does choose to make readers pay for vowels, expect headlines like this to come soon!

Th rly Cty Cncl grntd pprvl fr chng rdr rqst fr th cty’s wstwtr trtmnt plnt prjct n spcl clld mtng n Wdnsdy ftrnn.

Unlike our other idea, we hope the Brownwood Bulletin doesn’t steal All-Survey-Saturday.

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