Special report filed to the Examiner by Tommy Bowden
The administrations of Brownwood and Early have agreed to extend their agreement to isolate North/South of Highways 67/84 from the onslaught of people walking in either direction The agreement continues a relationship to keep those terrible walkers from infiltrating from either direction. One of the mayors was heard to say “Why are these walkers trying to keep the city from getting sales tax on car sales and make themselves more healthy. We won’t have enough money to maintain city streets and then other people will stop driving. The hospital will also lose revenue. It is a vicious circle.”
The cities have long understood this relationship and have avoided building sidewalks and requiring businesses such as Walmart to put sidewalk access to their stores. Some in the audience during the announcement accused the administrations of discrimination against North residents based on their propensity to drink beer rather than Johnny Walker Red. A counter protest by South Residents to keep their Children beer free was also very vocal.
A local walker stated she had to walk a mile along the highway to come to a legal crosswalk. She was afraid police would give her a ticket for jaywalking. A local researcher verified that only one legal crosswalk was located from Austin Avenue to Opal Drive. The crossing into Walmart did not have a sidewalk extension to Walmart. A call to the Highway Department was not returned prior to press time.