Mixup leads to new political campaign office in Brownwood

What started out as an honest attempt to woo business to the area has turned into a growing controversy. Gus Harrison of the Brownwood Redevelopment Board explains;

“We did a survey of the students at HPU and asked them about the types of food they enjoy and have a difficult time finding here in Brownwood. You know, Brownwood’s coffers are mainly filled by fast food and fast casual eatery sales. Anyhow, quite a few of them said they wished they could have Korean in Brownwood. We decided to advertise in the Korea Daily paper (Joongang Ilbo), but somehow there was a typo and it was instead submitted to the Jaggang Ilbo, which is only published in North Korea.”

Harrison paused, nervously took a sip of water, and with a forced swallow continued;

“Basically, it was an invitation to come to Brownwood, with a lot of pie charts, line charts, and data on our economic development. We were hoping to lure some South Koreans. All we wanted was some kimchi for HPU, and now, well, we’ve got this.”

Yes, you heard it here first, the Workers Party of Korea (WPK) is coming to Brownwood. We’ve roughly translated an article published in the offical newspaper of the Korean People’s Army;

“Field Marshall General Kim Jong-Un and Eternal Leader Kim Il-Sung smiled brightly on the people of Korea and gave us access to a fine building in the United States. It was once a Pizza Hut, but now it is our glorious headquarters.  The building and the opportunity of advancement of the Juche ideal and theories and outstanding leadership of President Kim Il Sung and leader Kim Jong Il and the history of ardent and patriotic loyalty of the people of the DPRK will be spoken loudly for all to hear.”

While measures are being taken to prevent this from occurring according to Harrison, the delegates of the DPRK who are in Brownwood have already begun orchestrating plans to storm the former Wendy’s location, which now houses the Brown County Republican Party.

When asked how something like this could have slipped through the cracks, Harrison mentioned that “Joe Bob Tabor, he’s supposed to be in charge of licensing and stuff but he likes to drink and I guess he signed it without realizing it was the wrong Korea. Hell, I didn’t even think anybody would reply to our advertisement. I’d forgotten all about it until that damn statue of one of the Kims popped up overnight. And now they’re here until we can find a way to get rid of them. We don’t want to piss them off too bad, they might have nukes. Also, they did plant a lot of trees in the area, so there’s that. It was a nice gesture, but we aren’t sure if they are some sort of terror tree or not just yet.”

“And honestly, I mean, that statue is just like having a big ole Colonel Sanders at the KFC, I just wish they’d actually have brought kimchi. That’s all we wanted, kimchi..”

The Pizza Hut sure looks ready for campaign season!
The Pizza Hut sure looks ready for campaign season!

satire

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