Abilene Couple Claims Dirty Drinking Water Made Them Infertile

An Abilene couple is claiming that the city’s dirty drinking water has made them both infertile. Gertrude Ross-Harper, 81 of Abilene claims that she and her fiance, Archie French, 76 of Potosi have been trying to conceive since the water was first reported dirty last summer. A somber Ms. Ross-Harper told the Examiner, “I have a very limited window of time to conceive, as you probably know women do not menstruate for their entire life.”

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Archie French fills a glass of water for Gertrude, his fiance

Ms. Ross-Harper has no children through no fault of her own. Her late husband Bob was ruled sterile in a 1962 visit to a local fertility clinic. “Bob never could have children, but I was told everything with my plumbing was good to go.” Recent tests with The Abilene Fertility Clinic have confirmed otherwise. “They told me I can’t conceive any longer, the only thing that’s changed since ’62 is the water. I still exercise, eat right, and have good relations,” shared Ms. Ross-Harper while sipping on a glass of ice cold brown water in her Lazy Boy recliner. “As if it were bad enough, my fiance is also believed to be infertile now too!”

Archie French has had trouble urinating, among other things since he began consuming the brown tap last summer. “I’ve got some sort of blockage in my urethra, my doctor says it makes it too narrow for my swimmers to get out. It even hurts to take a leak.” Doctors have compared Mr. French’s condition to that of Hank Hill on the cartoon King of the Hill. Dr. Hopkins with the Abilene Fertility Clinic explained, “Mr. French is basically suffering from a narrow urethra, I’ve only seen this a few times in my life. Though reproduction is hard, it’s not impossible. Just look at Bobby Hill for one example of a miracle.”

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Gary Busey, left is Gertrude’s favorite actor. Chihuahua, right, looks like Gary Busey

The Abilene couple has been ruled ineligible for adopting due to their advanced age, but
the Taylor Jones Humane Society has a  Chihuahua who kind of looks like Gary Busey. They are considering adopting a dog, but they really would like to have a child of their own. “We’re going to keep trying to conceive, it may not be working but we’re having fun trying.”

For updates on the Abilene water crisis, the Chihuahua, and the reproductive abilities of this couple, come ‘like’ us on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/bwdexaminer/

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