Abilene’s very own Jonestown; over 1,000 feared dead

About 1,000 fish at the stocked pond at Grover Nelson Park in Abilene have died due to the callus actions of the Grass Carp Temple (GCT), led by the now-deceased Jim Bob Johnson. Several innocent members of the Turtle Congress were also tragically killed in what could only be described as a catastrophic apocalyptic end to the GCT.

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Visitors have long known about the GCT, but have never seen anything that might have been cause for alarm. “Yeah, they churned the water from time to time but I just thought that was regular fish stuff. Plus, the pond didn’t connect to area waterways so we never saw them as the type to recruit new members. They were isolated and did not pose a threat to any bass or catfish. Oh the humanity” stated Albert Guerrero, communications manager for the Grover Nelson Park’s NPR affiliate.

“We are taking measures to remove the tainted koolaid,” stated Guerrero.

The Brownwood Examiner will not provide additional details as they become available, because oh god it smells awful there.

satire

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