Could a portal to hell be in the Kroger parking lot, or is it just a massive sinkhole?

When floodwaters receded, many in the area were thankful that damage was little to nil at the area’s many Dollar Stores. However, a giant sinkhole has opened in the shared parking lot of Kroger and Dollar Tree, leaving local residents scared that their bargain days will soon be over. We spoke to a few shoppers this morning who shared their thoughts.

13312919_10153787748886701_5216301074070613263_n
Did the flood do this, or did Lucifer need to get some Big-K soda?

Hal Johnson, 84, “I am on a fixed income, and I go to the Dollar Tree a lot to save money, but what if I fall in the sinkhole while I’m buying potato chips? I don’t think I will shop here anymore, it’s not worth that kind of risk. I mean, if I broke my hip, they’d send me to Brownwood Regional Hospital!”

Edgar Jepperson, 53, “It might be a secret cigarette trafficking tunnel, going from the smokers register inside of Kroger to the Red Wagon across the street. Rumor has it that many patrons at the Wagon feel that smoking is one of the few liberties we have left in this country.”

Melva Haskins, 39, “I wish it would eat my car, I’m tired of making these car payments!”

Raul Herdez, 16, “I’ve heard some people say that it’s a portal to hell, some of the older customers. I make sure and push my cart very carefully around the sinkhole to be safe.”

Minh Thanh Tuan, 25, “It’s worse than a portal to hell, if you jump in it you pop out on Neches Street in Coleman. My cousin Thuy An fell in it and has been writing me letters every day because she’s scared that if she jumps in it again, she’ll wind up somewhere worse than Brownwood, worse than Coleman. She thinks she’ll wind up in Sweetwater!”

Screenshot from 2016-06-21 11:43:58
Tran’s cousin states this is the exact location she popped out in after jumping in the Kroger portal.
Editors note: We were too afraid to take a picture of the sinkhole after speaking with Mr. Tuan, but here’s a picture of another sinkhole in another Kroger. Could this be a shocking new trend?

BLKE4s-CUAAwvkR

 

satire

One Comment Add yours

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s