Heartland Mall Hosts Pure Romance Sex Toy Party Last Week

heartland mall pure romance

Corn Dog 7 ran out of corn dogs, GNC’s shelves were emptied of both men’s and women’s vitality products, and Heartland Mall had 30 cars in the parking lot Monday evening. Something was going on.

Word had escaped the tight lipped hosts and hostesses of a Pure Romance sex toy party within the confines of the Heartland Mall walls. For the sake of the hosting business, we will exclude their name from this article.

Patrons were seen coming and going from the host business throughout the evening. Most were giggling, some had the look of shame. Mall employees throughout the mall shared that feeling of shame. Mall custodian Fabian Gonzalez shared his displeasure with the evening’s activities, “They don’t pay me enough for this, for the past year I’ve only had to clean the toilet once, but now people are using the mall for Lord knows what. I had to mop something up near the Chic Fil A and I doubt it was mayonnaise.”

The custodians weren’t the only employees feeling shame at the evening’s events. The ladies at the nail salon got offended at being asked for happy endings, stating that they are not a massage parlor nor are they prostitutes.

Guests at the event were also seen pilfering for old batteries at the former Radio Shack.

Several high ranking local officials were rumored to be attending the party, but no confirmation of their presence has been provided. Make sure to check back with us for confirmation of who attended the party.

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