Comanche County Resident Arrested for Sexual Assault of Snowman

A Comanche County man froze in the middle of a lewd act with a snowman when De Leon resident Harris Whittaker shined his truck’s spotlight on the side of highway 16 early Thursday morning. Whittaker explained that the man was obviously intoxicated, naked, and fully enjoying himself. “When I done drove up I thought I saw somethin’ a movin in the bar ditch, so I spot lighted that son of a (expletive).”

Whittaker then used his cell phone to call for police help. All De Leon and Comanche officers were involved in a search for a missing donut from Brookshires, so police from Proctor were sent to respond to the scene. Proctor Chief of Police Arthur Glidden said officers arrived on scene to find what appeared to be a man who was fully involved with a snowman. “For all I know it was a snowwoman, I’m going to go ahead and at least give him the benefit of the doubt,” shared Glidden.

Officers pulled the man off of the snowman/snowwoman, but it was too late, as body heat from the man had melted the majority of the snow creature. Glidden said neither the victim nor the accused escaped without injury, “we feel for the poor snowwoman, but the sun would have got her later today anyhow. That poor man looked to me like he got some frostbite on his thing.” Medics transported the man to get medical attention, where full amputation was expected to occur later this evening as a result of his injuries. The man has so far refused to say his identity, and he clearly did not have any photo ID on him at the crime scene. He is expected to be charged and booked in to jail once amputation is completed.

Glidden advised that it has never been safe to play in the snow anywhere in Comanche County. “Every time we have snow something like this happens, I just don’t understand the people that live here.”

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