Adult Dance Club Coming to Former Central Fire Station

The Brownwood Economic Development Corporation may have gotten more than they bargained for with the creation of their new website. The website has been shared on social media and has gained popularity over the past few weeks. That’s how DeSean Lewis, an adult entertainment entrepreneur first learned of Brownwood. “I was on my laptop at a Starbucks in East Hollywood, when somehow, this website was shared on my newsfeed, I clicked it, and I saw a huge need for adult entertainment in Brownwood,” shared Lewis.

central fire
The old Central Fire Station at Main and Austin could become an adult dance club.

Lewis said that he immediately began doing research, and found the study conducted by The Retail Coach in 2011 which estimated that shoppers residing in Brownwood’s trade area annually spend $422 million outside of Brownwood due to Brownwood not offering the types of businesses that its residents desire. Lewis explained, “I thought, if the adult industry can just get a small slice of that pie, a small slice of $422 million, I could have stumbled upon a gold mine.”

When asked about potential locations, Lewis spoke without hesitation, “the old Central Fire Station, it’s perfect. It’s on the busiest or second busiest intersection in town.” Lewis went on to explain that the process of converting a fire station in to an adult entertainment venue requires very little initial investment. “A fire station already has many of the assets we are looking to have in a dance club, the fire poles can be used as dance poles, the kitchen area can be easily converted to a bar area, and the sleeping quarters can be used as a VIP area for the more generous patrons.”

The proximity of the former fire house to Howard Payne University was another selling point. Lewis stated that not only does the university house a lot of potential customers nearby, but potential employees are also, “a hop, a skip, and a swing around the pole away at HPU.” When questioned about the university’s religious affiliation, Lewis responded, “everyone knows Baptists like to dance.”

Lewis said he anticipates the club being open seven days a week. “Sometimes it’s hard to have an audience on weekdays, but the Brown County area has so many people who don’t work that I don’t think we’ll have a problem.” Furthermore, theme nights will be offered on weekdays to attract more customers. “We are looking at having different girls work on certain nights. We’ve surveyed residents in the Brookesmith and Indian Creek areas and found that most of them tend to appreciate women without a full set of teeth. We think these dancers will be especially popular in the VIP area.”

Coleman residents will be happy to learn that they too will have a special night dedicated for them. Lewis explained that Coleman will be the only city outside of Brown County who will receive a weekday theme. “On Coleman night, we will cease operations as a dance club and turn in to a film house, to remind the residents of their days when the Oak Drive Inn theater was in operation. They’ve always been a dirty little town.”

Bids to purchase the old Central Fire Station have not yet been submitted, as Lewis is still putting final blueprints together. Lewis said he anticipates making an offer soon if everything proceeds as planned.

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satire

4 Comments Add yours

  1. Bobbie Jo Anderson says:

    is this a joke

    1. chris says:

      No it’s satire.

  2. Serial K. says:

    Love it!

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