QB Tyrone Swoopes to transfer to HPU?

While the Howard Payne Yellowjackets’ season ended earlier in the year after a promising start quickly fizzled into legendary mediocrity, potential interest from a Big 12 quarterback should help quell that disappointment.

Texas quarterback Tyrone Swoopes is showing interest in HPU’s rising program, according to anonymous sources.

He's already worn blue and gold once, so why not again?
He’s already worn blue and gold once, so why not again?

Swoopes hasn’t made official his intent to transfer away from the Longhorns, but most believe it is inevitable.

As much as Swoopes enjoys getting drunk in Austin, he has no other option but to leave if he wants to play in the CFL. He’s not helping his draft stock by looking absolutely terrible, and he’s not going to get critical repetitions against college football’s elite teams. His best bet is to transfer to a Division 3 school and play somewhere else in 2015.

HPU sources admit that while Swoopes isn’t a dangerous dual-threat quarterback or a pocket passer or even much better than their current starter, he can lead them to a 6-6 season, and that’s been the goal of Coach Roger Geise since joining the HPU staff nearly 10 years ago, in 2005.

The hashtag #fightfor500 has been trending in the Big Country, as many alumns and current students rally support for Swoopes. Junior tailback Larry “Big Lemon” Watkins stated that there’s nothing worse than starting out hot and finishing cold, and if Swoopes has proven anything in his time as a starter at UT, it’s that his gearbox starts in neutral and rarely progresses past third.

UT fans are also elated at this development, as having a new starting quarterback in 2015 will do wonders for bringing pride back to Texas Athletics. “Texas doesn’t mean anything right now” is a phrase oft-uttered by coach Charlie Strong, and we feel that letting the sophmore transfer out is in the best interests of both teams.

Coach Charlie Strong could not be reached for comment, but since he always says the same thing, we’re going to quote him anyway. “The core values of The University of Texas at Austin are learning, discovery, freedom, leadership, individual opportunity, and responsibility”.

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