Police Briefs for October 17th, 2014

Brownwood Police are celebrating today, because after an average number of 3.53 calls per day since initial construction, today was the first day no officers were dispatched to 1500 Terrace Drive. ” We frankly didn’t think it was possible..” stated former BPD officer Jim Washburn. “Back in the ’80s we were there all the time, and when the time came for a new HQ, we built it as close to Slumset as we could to cut down on travel time.” Officers were planning an ice cream social to commemorate this once in a millennium occurrence, and planned on inviting all local officers who have participated in an agency assist at Sunset Terrace over the years. “The Day Hell Froze Over” celebrations were short lived, however, as the gallon of sherbert officers planned to eat was stolen. Scanner traffic indicated the suspect was seen heading towards Sunset Terrace.

In other news:

Lake Brownwood State Park officers ask that you stop feeding the ground squirrels because they’re become “freeloaders of the highest magnitude” and have begun knocking on the rangers door at 3am asking for cheetos. Officers think this is also a sign that visitors have been giving the ground squirrels marijuana, and an open investigation is expected to yield further results.

The city of Bangs will be transitioning to Metric-only signage, in hopes that drivers will not know any better and see the posted limits as miles per hour. Officers stated that they need to collect as much money as possible to hire a new police chief. Posted limits will be 65 inside the city proper, with limits of 105 to 110 on the outskirts of town.

The community of Brookesmith would like to reprimand  Earl Lawson, who lives by the corner right before you get to the old gym, and remind him to put some pants on next time he goes out to check the mail.

Brownwood Police initiated a traffic stop on Center Avenue re a unicyclist towing a teardrop camper at 11:15PM Thursday night. The driver was cited for being a damn fool.

BSCO deputies remind all county residents that shooting their county road markers and yield signs is destruction of public property, an unwise choice, and fun as hell. Officers will be posted around the county awarding good shooters with misdemenor citations.

satire

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