Area toddler learns of Wheat Thins, rejects Great Value brand

Somewhere, someone must have given her a name brand cracker. That’s the only way little Samantha Patton, aged four, could have known any different, according to her mother Anette.

Anette wrote to the Examiner explaining that her young daughter was suddenly ‘brand concious’ and this was throwing her household into a turmoil. “Out of nowhere, she just decided she doesn’t like them anymore. She used to eat the hell out of them. Now when we give her one she hands it back to us, or tries to feed them to the dog, King Camese. Camese has a gluten allergy though, so not only are we having to buy name brand crackers, we’re also having to spend money on vet bills.”

“I miss the days when Samantha didn’t know any better. I love the free market and all, but it used to be so much easier when a cracker was a cracker and not an entire aisle for her to be picky about”, stated Anette. We asked Samantha why she suddenly became a fan of name brand crackers, but all she would say was “Cecil, that’s an old man’s name” and laugh, while toddling away with a death grip on a box of her newfound love, name brand goods. “She does that a lot” said Anette, hoping that this would be another phase her daughter would outgrow. “She’s extremely random, but loves math. We’re going to put OpenOffice on her Nabi tablet and show her cost projection analysis and hope that she can find comfort in Great Value brand oncemore after charting the unit price.

Worried that this change would place her family in a new “Snack Bracket”, Anette mentioned that she is going to ask for a raise at work, just to be safe.

The child's new enemy.
The child’s sworn enemy.

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