Bigfoot Sighting Reported at Lake Brownwood

Bigfoot stories are abuzz in the North Lake Brownwood community of Tamarack Mountain after resident Jimmy Bob Jones claims to have seen the beast foraging in the live oak trees on the corner of his property. “He done come across the southwest corner of my yard chasing after some deer, but I didn’t get it…

Zepyhr Man Turns Wife in to Police

A Zephyr man called police on Thursday afternoon and filed a report that his wife had stolen his manhood. Zephyr police were dispatched to the residence to find the man in the front yard tending to the lawn. The man, identified as 42 year old Patrick Knowle Balls told police that his wife had stolen his…

Forgotten History; the 578th and the 12 nukes of the Big Country.

(This is a rare non-satirical article) I’ve always had a dark fascination with end of the world scenarios. From poorly produced civil defense bulletins to widescale evacuation drills to the laughably poor science of some of our own government literature, especially after they knew about fallout and gamma radiation. It always gives me a chill….

Police Briefs for October 17th, 2014

Brownwood Police are celebrating today, because after an average number of 3.53 calls per day since initial construction, today was the first day no officers were dispatched to 1500 Terrace Drive. ” We frankly didn’t think it was possible..” stated former BPD officer Jim Washburn. “Back in the ’80s we were there all the time,…

Lions Ranked #1 in Slowest No Huddle Offense

The Brownwood Lions are once again receiving statewide recognition as they have received the honor of having the slowest no huddle offense in all of Texas. The Lions soared to the top in the rankings after the debacle last week of getting the play called in time by the coaches. To avoid being assessed a…

Could a Toll Bridge replace the Vine Street Underpass?

In a development surprising no-one, Brown County Emergency Management has reluctantly noted the Vine Street Underpass is quickly approaching obsolescence. Contrary to previous reports, the ‘quint’ fire truck barely fits under it. Lives would be at risk if the emergency services were forced to drive all the way to 3rd street to reach South Brownwood,…

City of Austin may Ban Christmas Lights

In a surprise turn of events, the Austin Holiday Committee (AHC) has voted to ban Christmas lights across the city of Austin this year citing, “critically low water supplies available for fighting preventable fires.” The committee declared that Christmas lights, “increase the risk of of a structure catching fire tenfold.” The committee plans to bring…

Area toddler learns of Wheat Thins, rejects Great Value brand

Somewhere, someone must have given her a name brand cracker. That’s the only way little Samantha Patton, aged four, could have known any different, according to her mother Anette. Anette wrote to the Examiner explaining that her young daughter was suddenly ‘brand concious’ and this was throwing her household into a turmoil. “Out of nowhere,…

Man injured in shopping cart versus wheelchair collision

Brownwood Police were dispatched to the Vine Street underpass at approximately 4PM on Tuesday, September 30th, to respond to a shopping cart vs wheelchair collision. Officers found 64-year old Walter Dennis laying at the far end of the pedestrian tunnel.  After further investigation, it was determined that Dennis was operating his wheelchair going downhill heading…