Hockey stick found at Goodwill

A hockey stick, wooden, CCM brand, was spotted at the Goodwill on West Commerce avenue Thursday morning. Staff were unsure how to properly display it, and even less sure as to how it came to be located in Brownwood. Wide speculation surrounds the origin of the sporting implement. Area Historian and town drunk Rudy Ramond thinks that “it’s an antique, from the pre-global warming days when Lake Brownwood regularly iced over and shinny was played by the schoolchildren.” Ramond was clearly drinking Scope again, so we moved on.

Shopper Jimbo Smith III took time to speak with the Examiner about the strange, potentially dangerous item. “I was looking for some Pat Boone 8-track tapes and I came across it and I almost had a heart attack. This is Texas, for crying out loud. It had to have come from one of them damn Yankees.I heard about them and their sleeper cells trying to come to Texas and institute Sharia Law on the Glenn Beck program just the other day.”

“What does CCM even mean? It sounds Communist to me”, opined Earl Hall, while giving the Crossover Senior stick a suspicious look. “We don’t have hockey in Texas. That game is like soccer, full of Europeans.. I got no use for ’em.”

Managers at Goodwill, always thankful for donations, remind area residents that “Nobody wants this shit, seriously, quit donating hockey sticks, CRT televisions, and ancient Colecovisions.” As of press time, the hockey stick was still there, slowly collecting dust and being gawked at by the locals.

The object of ire.
The object of ire.

If you have ever seen a hockey stick in the wild, let us know on Facebook!

satire

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