City of Brownwood arrested on multiple drug charges

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Following leads gathered during the “Operation Tangled Web” sting, the City of Brownwood has been arrested on multiple charges, from possession of a dangerous drug to conspiracy to commit a felony, possession of marijuana, possession of tobacco by a minor, loitering, habitual jaywalking, and countless failures to yield, amongst other pending charges. The City looks to be in legal limbo for quite some time.

At approximately 4:55AM, officers located the City of Brownwood on the intersection of US 377, US 183, and US 84/67. The City was mirandized over the tornado siren system, as well as over Code Red. 

Due to agency overlap and a lack of impartiality, Canada’s GardaWorld Security Corporation, Sweden’s Securitas AB, and G4S plc from the United Kingdom participated in the raid, being granted special jurisdiction for what looks to be the largest bust yet in Texas. Garda’s armored trucks blocked off all major highways, so the city’s smaller buildings could not escape. Seismologists from UT Permian Basin were brought in to monitor geological activity, should the bulk of the city try to escape by creating small earthquakes and shifting along fault lines. Securitas was especially helpful in keeping the Kohler plant from fleeing.

Some in the area question if Brownwood has really been involved with such copious amounts of crime. Others tend to blame the poor influence of nearby municipality Coleman. One thing’s for certain, we’re gonna need a bigger jail!

satire

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