You wouldn’t expect a small town like Brownwood to draw such attention for it’s fast food chains but when you give one of them the honor as “Biggest in the World” others take notice. This controversy has some local residents comparing it to another “largest” designation that took place in the early 1930’s in a race to build the largest building in America between the Chrysler Building and the Bank of Manhattan skyscraper.
As locals may remember, it wasn’t that long ago when the Taco Bell was located at the current location of Mid-Tex Cellular. Although the official reason for the construction of it’s current location is listed as business purposes, the Brownwood Examiner spoke to a former employee who refused to be named for purposes of this article that noted that the reason was a bit more unbelievable. “One of my coworkers reported seeing an old client that had passed away some years back. It was all a big joke until one by one three of us, including myself, saw him too. He would just be sitting there rattling the sauce pans and with his neck sideways, as if he was eating one last taco.” The former employee went on to say that things died down after one of the employees had had enough and ran across the dry creek that was behind the building where a local priest was known to frequently purchase Scratch Offs at the grocery store. “He got lucky the priest was there and had his bible in his car, he said some things in Latin and something about Christ compelling the spirit and we never had any sightings after that, but it was hard to make anyone work the nightshift after that.” The former employee claims that rather than deal with the complexity of staffing the late night shift that managers just decided to change locations.
A new building was erected soon after at the Commerce Square development. Upon initial completion of the building it did not initially make the building the biggest Taco Bell in the world, that would come as a result of a construction mistake. “I remember driving by the restaurant early in the morning and thinking it seemed a little late for the restaurant to be making their 5-star food and I learned the next day that the building had caught on fire”, recalls local resident Jaime Esquivel. However, what was initially considered a great tragedy for late night alcoholics with munchies would come to bring an accidental stroke of luck. “When the construction builders were rebuilding the kitchen, one of the workers interpreted the measurement as “9 feet” because the top section of the 4 had been closed a little too much.” This resulted in what would become the “Largest Taco Bell in the World” by exactly Two cubic inches or one brick. State regulators who underwent such measurement as part of their routine tax assessment later confirmed these findings. A plaque is erected to the left of cash registers to document this momentous event.
That would have been the end of the story if a Taco Bell in Miami-Dade County had not been renovated in late 2013 increasing it’s size. Ironically enough, this building was constructed in the year 2000 and in a similar construction mishap to the one that occurred in Brownwood, builders must have been to busy trying to determine the quantity of hanging chads to notice that they forgot to construct restroom facilities. Management responded by placing portable potties outside but clients had had enough after 13 years of stench and public grunts and this prompted a renovation in 2013 by franchise owners. Shortly after construction, they requested a re-measure of both restaurants to see once and for all who the “biggest” truly is. But it appears that there is already a plan in place in case Brownwood loses the re-measure. “ The Chryster building secretly had a 185 foot long spire assembled inside the building to make it the tallest in the world, and the Brownwood Taco Bell has taken notes and is said to have an attachable car port hidden somewhere in the building that may be attached should it lose it’s title”, disclosed local resident Thomas Billings who claims to have personal knowledge of the plans.
Brownwood residents will have to await the official results as a re-measure has yet to be scheduled. Miami-Dade began a petition to have the Supreme Court of Florida step in but so far the official online petition has only been signed by 28 people that appear to be composed of employees and family members. The measure requires 38,000 signatures to be considered by Florida’s highest court.
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